Your Choice, Det Kate Castle
by castle-fan-379
Summary: Takes place after "Cuffed" episode.  Someone has taken notice that Castle has not stopped investigated Kate's moms murder.
1. Chapter 1

**TAKES PLACE DURING SEASON 4. This is my first attempt at a story, so I hope I have dotted all my "T"S and crossed all my "I"s in the right places. I don't own any of these characters.**

**"**I have a package for a Detective Kate Castle" announces the delivery man. Everyone in the 12th snickers at the announcement. Everyone but Beckett that is. on the outside she is just seething, but on the inside, she just beaming, having another one of those "I am really loved" feelings. Granted, being handcuffed to him was not the best way to possibly start a relationship, oh but how she loved having an "excuse" to be able to hold his hand.

She wonders, what has HE done now? They are more than just partners now, but not a couple either. She does admit that it does have a nice ring to it though, but why would he do this here?

"Over here" she announces, "and it's Beckett, not Castle".

"Are you sure Detective?" asks Ryan? If looks could kill, the stare she is giving him would have him dead before he was even born!

The envelope has Castle's return address, but it is typed out on a label and so is the 12th address. Not his typical hand written addressed mail. ("Have to keep that to myself" she thinks. She is not ready to reveal about all those cards he sends to her apt.)

"FOR YOUR EYES ONLY" marked on the envelope. He is really asking for it when he gets in this morning. I am just the one to give it to him she grins to herself. She goes off to one of the interrogation rooms to review what Castle has sent her.

She opens the package, and there four folders on the inside, top one is marked RICK, next one marked MARTHA, one ALEXIS and the other her Dad. She looks at the one marked Alexis first and just drops the whole thing on the table. Inside are several 8 x 10 color glossy pictures and on each one, right in the middle of the teen's chest, is a rifle scope centered on her heart. She finally stops shaking long enough to look at the other three and finds the same target on each one. Now she is just plan mad! What a sick joke MR. CASTLE! After she calms down a bit, she realizes that he would never, ever do this to her, so she examines the package a little closer.

Inside is a lone, one page letter typed out.

_Dear Detective Beckett,_

_We agreed with Capt Montgomery that we would leave you alone and let you live as long as you stopped looking into your mother's, um, untimely death. He did a real good job of keeping you on a short leash. Too bad now your writer boyfriend had to go and get you going again. We made another "agreement" with certain parties to leave you alone as long as you don't push it. You seemed to have backed down, but it seems lover boy is pushing again to find answers. You have 48 hours to get him to stop and hand over EVERYTHING he has on this or one of them will pay, and best of all, you get to choose which one takes your place this time. No, you can NOT take their place. If that doesn't work, then every 24 hours after that, you will choose someone else to take YOUR place. Talk to NO one other than your boyfriend._

_Choose wisely or you will never make it to Detective Castle_

What, how can Castle still working the case after he told me to take it slow?

She remembers the conversation they had after she came back after the shooting.

_I promise you, we will figure this out. __We're__ gonna find them and __we're__ gonna make them pay. Just not today._

So why are YOU still investing this? You looking for a new angle on a book? You want the publicity of solving MY mystery? Could her "One and "Done" actually now be "Done" before they even ever really got started?

She kicks herself for even thinking that. Yes, maybe after they first meet, but not now, not after she has gotten to know her writer guy. She looks out towards the bullpen and see him sitting there with two coffees, just like every morning. Today, she is not in the mood for coffee.

"CASTLE, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE **NOW****" **

Ryan and Esposito try to hold it in as he walks past him on his way to Beckett. Ryan hums the Death March as Esposito adds, "Oh boy, ARE you in trouble"

Castle walks in the room and all she can say is "How could you?"

She tosses him the package and all he sees is the address to Detective Kate Castle.

"I swear, I didn't do that" (but oh how I love that sound of that).

"Not that, THIS….." as she hands him the letter. Shock, anger, worry and then a petrified look come across his face as the weight of all it hits him.

"You claim that you love me. (You answer with "Always" and I melt.) How can you tell me you love me as I lay there dying and still do this to me?" She realizes that she just let it out that she knows. She covers her mouth and now she is the one with the worried look on her face. Maybe he won't notice the slip. Fat chance with her hand covering her mouth.

"You remember?" He is overcome with joy now that he knows that she knows, then anger starts to creep in because she never let on that she did. "

How long ago did you start to remember and why didn't you tell me?"

"I…I… never… forgot. I heard you above me in the cemetery. I so wanted to tell you that…..WAIT, I brought you in here to talk you about going behind my back! WHY? EXPLAIN THAT ONE! NOW!"

**Please review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**WELL, I GUESS I SHOULD KEEP GOING WITH THIS. HOPE IT FLOWS OK, STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO PUT DOWN WHAT IS IN MY HEAD. PLEASE REVIEW**

"You remember? He is overcome with joy now that he knows that she knows, anger because she never let on that she did. "

"How long ago did you start to remember and why didn't you tell me?"

"I…I… never… forgot. I heard you above me in the cemetery. I so wanted to tell you that…..WAIT, I brought you in here to talk you about going behind my back! WHY? EXPLAIN THAT ONE! NOW!"

"But, _Detective Beckett_, I told you I loved you. I thought I was going to lose you and I needed for you to know how I felt. And you kept it all inside, and lied to me about it. How am I supposed to feel?"

"Castle, our feelings that we have for each other is not the issue right now." _She takes notice that he is back to calling her Beckett, worse yet, he has added the Detective part to it._

He grabs her by the shoulders and keeps her at arm's length.

"Beckett, just tell me how you feel….can you at least give me a little hint of that first?"

"Ok, if this will help us move on. It scared me when I woke up and remembered what you said. Did you actually mean it or where you just saying that because you thought I might want to hear it at the time?"

"Now wait, you know me better than that, at least I would hope you would by now."

"Listen Castle, if we are going to get through this, you need to LISTEN first, ok? I said I thought that right after I got shot."

_Can I really go through this right now with him, tell him everything that I feel and want? How I long to tell him I love him too? How when I was laying there bleeding, that I just wanted to touch his face and tell him, it will be ok, I am not going anywhere and I love you too? _

"Let's sit down. _I have to get him focused on the real issue at hand. _Just know this for now, I have been going to therapy still even though I have been cleared for because I have so much to deal with to move on. I told you when we met up after your book signing on the swings that I have built this wall since my mom died. That I can't have a relationship with anyone with that wall still in place. _The relationship I want to have with you._ He is helping me with that, but you need to know, that the wall is coming down bit by bit with your help too. I want it to come down, to let you in, and I feel I am ready to start, but right now we have something more pressing to deal with. We can deal with the Barney stuff later."

"You mean you only carry around one bullet in your pocket?"

"One bullet, what are you talking about?"

"Barney, you know, Deputy Barney Fife from Andy Griffin show? Isn't that the Barney you are referring too?

Castle, I was talking about Barney, the purple dinosaur (she starts humming the "I love you, You love me theme")_ Barney, really Kate, you use Barney to tell him you love him? Oh no Rick, pleasssssse don't make me sing it…I can't really tell you right now I love you…of all things to say, WHY Barney? How romantic is that!_

"OH, THAT Barney. Alexis used to love that song. How does it go again? Something about a big hug or kiss or something like that?" _Wonder if can get her to sing it…she might not be ready, but at least she will say she loves me! _

"CASTLE, FOCUS"

"Please, I had having a tune stuck in my head and can't remember the words."_Please, I just need to hear you say it._

"Ok, just this once."

"I love you (_Always Rick and I can't believe I just said that)(I can't believe she just said that)_, you love me and I am so _shocked and feel so lucky to have you love me Rick Castle)_

Rick mouths "Always" to Kate

We're a Happy Family, with a great big kiss from me"

"You a said you love me but you the hug and kiss backwards" _damn, I was supposed to not remember_

CASTLE!

"Ok, you're right, we need to focus."

Now that the "Barney" moment has passed, we have to think on how we are going to protect our family

"Don't you mean our families?"

"No, I mean OUR family. Cast…Rick, I feel like we are family. Part of this wall coming down has made me realize I have to let others in. I have become very fond of Martha and Alexis and they feel like family to me now, of course, you are in that grouping too."

Kate reaches for his hand. _This feels so right, why has it taken so long for us to get this close? Of course, I know the answer to that. _

It is very few and far between that she has calls him Rick. He likes the way it sounds. He can use to it.

"Kate, I feel the same about your dad so let's figure out how we are going to take care of OUR family."

Ok then, now tell me what the hell are you doing and WHY are you investigating my mother's murder, even after you told me to stop?"

"I did it for you. To keep you safe."

They both start to realize that the interrogation room might not the place to have this conversation.

"Kate, how about we go to The Haunt and finish this?"

"Rick, not really the most private place to continue this, don't you think?"

"Kate, basement, remember?"

"Perfect. Let's go. "

As they walk pass the bull pen, Esposito and Ryan notice that they are both humming.

"Barney, really bro?"

"No idea, but we never can tell with those two."

Kate leans over to Rick near the elevator. "Keeps them on their toes."


	3. Chapter 3

The Old Haunt

Kate contacted her dad while Rick contacted Alexis and Martha. They had both decided it would be better to try to get them to a safe place while they tried to figure out their next move. Rick glanced over at Kate and noticed the worried look on her face, the distress in her eyes. Truth be told, Kate was used to dealing with these types of situations but never been the reason for it and now Rick, his family, and her dad, correction OUR family is danger, including Rick himself. He was a target too.

Rick starting thinking about how they had gotten into this situation, again. Once more, Kate was in danger, their family was in danger and it all because of him. His was meddling in Kate's life, again. Maybe Alexis was right after all, he is not a cop, that he just needs to grow up and stop acting like a little kid. He thinks that maybe he should have stop shadowing her when he got the information for his book. But like he told Martha, it was no longer about the books, it was about Kate Beckett, how he needed her in his life, wanted to share it with her. Can we really have a life together if I keep putting her in danger? Yes, he understands that she is a homicide detective, but it wasn't the normal day to day detective job that got Roy killed, almost losing Kate and now more people close to him were in danger. Maybe he should just hand over everything and walk away from her. Better for her to be alive and out of that danger for many years to come than have a few weeks if that, to have her killed and taken away forever? But first he needs to explain to Kate he did what he did.

"Beckett, can we talk, please. I really need to explain to you why I did what I did. Maybe it can help lead to who is doing this and put an end to all." _I just hope she can forgive me. Living without her will be tough, but knowing she hates me too, well, that would be just too much for me to bear._

She figured it was about time for him to start explaining himself, but thought it would be better on his terms instead of her normal interrogation methods. She knows that they usually don't work with Rick anyway. Besides, he knows all her little tricks and would be able to counter most of them. _Ok Kate, just listen to what he has to say and don't jump to any conclusions until he is done, then kick his butt for doing it! _

They sit next to each other on the couch, Rick takes Kate's hands in his. Kate is a little hesitant at first, but realizes that he has something heavy on his mind and heart that he wants to say and feels this might give him and her the strength to get through it. _Hell, who am I kidding, I just want to hold his hand to be holding it, it's Castle's hand anyway. If I want a future with this wonderful man, I better start opening up to the possibilities now._

"Kate, I guess it is safe to say now that you know how I feel about you. That I love you, I love you more than anything in this world. I would die for you if need be. That is why I was still looking into your mother's murder even after I asked you to slow down. It wasn't only me trying to get take it a little slower. Your dad came to me be before Roy was shot and said I was the only one that could."

"My _dad_ came to you to get me to stop? Why? Why not did he come talk to me about it?: Tears start to well up in her eyes, but she will not let them flow, he cannot see her cry. That would mean she is losing her control and he can't see her like that.

"Because he saw the same drive in you that your mother had and he knew there was nothing he could do to stop you and he couldn't bear to lose you too like he lost your mother. Roy actually said the same thing. Something about how he had found you going through your mothers files with a flashlight even when you're were authorized to be in there. How he could have written you up for it but he didn't. I asked him why and he said because he knew it wouldn't have stopped you. It was in your eyes. He thought that you're your drive and some training; you would make one hell of a detective. He said that he would never be able to make you stand down, but that I could. Me, Rick Castle, mystery writer that just happened to have fallen in love with the most beautiful, thoughtful woman in the world, and pretty kickass with a gun too I might add, who makes me feel like I can do anything. And now I have the two most important men in your life asking me to get you stand down before you get yourself killed. That is when I came to you and told you needed to back down and we had that argument about our feelings and what were are to each other.

"I remember Rick, and I am so sorry. I was just so frustrated at feeling like everything and everyone that I cared for was leaving me. I realize now that I was more scared of losing you than anyone else."

"Kate, I just couldn't bring myself to tell you then how important you were to me that night. I knew you were with Josh. Even when we were freezing to death, almost died in each other's arms, you still ran to him for comfort afterwards, so I knew he was still part of your life. Hell, I wanted you to stand down from the investigation too because I wanted to try to make some of a life with you but knew that wasn't possible so that's why I kept myself in check. Then Roy sacrificed himself for you, but that didn't help, they still came after you. When I saw that flash, YOU were all I thought about and YOUR safety. Then I saw the blood draining out of you and I felt that no matter what happens now, you need to know how I felt about you. I didn't want another chance to go by without you knowing that. Then in the ambulance, I saw you die and I died, just like when I thought I lost you when your apartment blew up. But then I saw that you made it pulled through from the operation, you were going to be ok, physically anyway. You might not know this, but the most beautiful site I ever saw or will ever see was when I walked into the hospital to see you after you came to. But of course that was short lived because doctor boy was with you. My heart took a big crashing nose dive even more when you said you didn't remember a thing of the shooting or how I said that I loved you, so I figured it was best just for us to remain as friends. "

While you were on your "recovery" alone period I got a call from some mystery man, said he needed to talk to me about Detective Beckett. He said he was a friend of Roy's from his past and that he owed Roy his life. I guess Roy sent him some files before he met with them in the hangar and was killed. Roy thought of it as an insurance policy I guess. These files, if they ever leak out, can hurt some very powerful people. These people were using these files as a threat to keep Roy's family from ever being harmed. Your safety was a part of the deal as long as you stayed out of it, and we see how well that went. I guess he didn't get the files until after you were shot. Kate, up until this point, you were safe, he saw to it, as long as you stayed out of the case. I know you; I know that I would never be able to keep you from perusing this, no matter how hard I begged or pleaded or anyone else for that matter. I just couldn't bear to lose you ever again Kate, even if that meant you were going to be with Josh for the rest of your life and we would just be partners and nothing else. But then I see you at the book signing and you tell me you broke up with Josh. You told me how that you cannot have the relationship or happiness that you want with anyone as long as what happened to your mom remained unresolved. Then, and only then would those walls be able to come down and you would let someone in. I wanted to be there when they did because to tell you the truth, I was hoping that I would be the one that you want that relationship with. If I was, then I would have been the happiest man alive and if I'm not and you find someone else, then I would be happy for you just as much. But I would rather have you around me as a partner and friend for years to come then have that type of relationship you are looking for and have it last for only a short time. Truth is, I felt as long as you were pursing it, I never had a chance with you anyway, so I decided that no, you were not going to look into her case and I would do my best to see that you didn't and that you would stay alive.

_And I you Rick, I just don't know how to tell you. I am still so messed up inside I don't want to give you false hope in case I am never going to be worthy of your loving me._

"If I was, then I would have been the happiest man alive and if I'm not and you find someone else, then I would be happy for you just as much. But I would rather have you around me as a partner and friend for years to come then have that type of relationship you are looking for and have it last for only a short time. Truth is, I felt as long as you were pursing it, I never had a chance with you anyway, so I decided that no, you were not going to look into her case and I would do my best to see that you didn't and that you would stay alive."


End file.
